Friday, November 13, 2009

Episode #44: "More important things" (5' 48")



I watched the video Paul made, an interview
with John.

Paul says that John wanted me to see it all.

I decided to shoot the scene. I wanted the
chance to see him, even if he wouldn't see me.

Sully

ryansullivanid@gmail.com

49 comments:

  1. wow! what an amazing film clip. what will happen when your brother sees this? How did you feel when you saw him having sex blindfolded? and how did you feel when he said "more important things came up"?

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  2. Yikes! Life can get complicated when famly gets involved. If he were just an aquaintence, you would drop him like a hot rock. What looser, what a dick. Through the lottery of reproduction, he ended up being your brother. Is that any reason to keep him in your life? No. Same rule applies. The kiss was a nice going away present. Now get on with your life, Ryan.

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    1. rjboy00, you are a total douche!

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  3. Now that we know that John is HIV pos. he can't be in any videos. At TIM, actors with the same status are matched. Now we will know that everyone who has sex with him is HIV positive and that doesn't fly. Besides, he isn't TIM's type guy. Those guys are hardcore. They punch you in the face, f--- the s--- out of you and then key your pick up truck on the way through the parking lot.

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    1. Well, that prediction didn't pan out.

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  4. Wow. I mean... um, wow.

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  5. Very nice video very attractive story...it is nice to have kissed your brother

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  6. Well I'd love to see that bearded brother in a tim video, he is very cute and sexy

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  7. A gothic tale. beautifully filmed. It was sweet, Sully, that you kissed your brother.

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  8. Filmed with passion, compassion, love and complexities never to be understood by any of us. You are an artist who will bring TIM back into the fold of cinéma vérité (something I miss that defined TIM's earlier work). Thanks Sully.

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  9. Awesome video! Loved i! What a great story!

    hand64bill

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  10. Wow! That left me in tears.

    I was being rhetorical when I asked how you would feel if your brother got HIV. I'm sorry I said that.

    I hope your brother someday realizes how lucky he is to have you in his life. There are many of us who would kill (almost) to have a brother like you. I feel sorry for your brother. He has obviously had a hard life. How dare anyone call him a loser. We don't know the whole story.

    Don't give up on him. One day he may come to his senses and reach out to you. Just know that there are many of us out here, including some who might not agree with everything you've done, who love and support you. Have fun in Brazil.

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  11. Oh my God!

    Well done Ryan. It blew me away.

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  12. WOW that was a goodbye kiss hollywood could never duplicate.

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  13. Two thumbs up Ryan! A very moving and thought prevolking film. Keep up the good work. FYI If this is a hoax you did a great job, you captured your audiance.

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  14. You all don't resemble each other at all. The kiss was amazing, though. I was hanging off the edge of my seat.

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  15. Thank you, Ryan.

    --Jesse

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  16. Anonymous @ 7:50 pm - how do you explain TIM using guys with the biohazard tattoo then? Doesn't that suggest they're HIV positive to you? What then does that say to you about the HIV status of guys they do scenes with?

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  17. these men are ALL diseased with porn addiction and hiv and G-D only knows what else they have. I pray for them but have no hope that they will find the way out of this cesspool. And Ryan Sullivan is also diseased and sick from the coruption of this world of porn and sex addiction. Will this never end until all gay men die of AIDS??? It's real and I pray you mend your ways. There souls will burn in hell.

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    1. Methinks the lady on the porn blog doth protest too much.

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  18. There is something incredibly sad about your brother, John. I've met many guys who've used sex and drugs to dull their pain. But pain is something everyone has to go through. Pain only makes you stronger.

    Your blog gives a very different and honest view of the gay porn scene.

    As for the guy who is going to pray for you to mend your ways. He should pray to be save from his own superior, smug attitude.

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  19. Wow. I just watched the last 6 months of installments and...just....wow. I became HIV+ in the same way. When I lived in San Francisco in the mid 90's, I was addicted to meth. I fucked around with anyone and everyone. Every action...

    The last few posts have been beyond moving. I know your brother...hell I've been your brother...more important things. What you learn after a while is that there really aren't more important things, just things.

    People, however, that's a whole different story. We are nothing without each other. I hope there is more to this story. I have faith that it won't end here.

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  20. The pain in this short film jumps through the screen into the palm of your hands. Ryan - the talent that you have allowed you to capture it in its entirety and allow us, the viewers, to feel it and live it with you.

    So many of us have had people leave our lives for "more important things" and we carry that cross of pain and grieving for the rest of our lives. It's what we do with that pain that makes us better or worse off.

    This video showcases your talent at it's finest. The contents of the video show us a side of this industry that is far from erotic - but truly real. Because of courageous fighters and allies, HIV is not killing us, but meth is, and it's so evident here. It's not only taken down your brother, but it's rocked your spirit to the core.

    Don't let your spirit or talent get rocked. It's not about porn. It's about you and what you have to offer to this world. This is a rude awakening to life, and yet, to survive, you must push on and thrive. I have confidence that you will.

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  21. This is sheer filmmaking at its best, Ryan. Really, some day the stablished order will evolve enough as to apreciate such a beautyful work of art. Congratulations!!!

    In the meanwhile I would love to see your brother in some of TIM's videos. He is really hot and honest and gets really horny. He is as talented as you are, man...

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  22. Guys, he is not his brother. It is so obvious to me

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  23. I got here from Mark (iBLASTinside)'s Blog and want to thank him for recommending your blog to us.
    After reading all your posts (over two days), I'm just overwhelmed with emotions, both good and bad. I must admit I was a bit repulsed by the killings--but as one commenter noted, "it's just a FILM".
    I'm at a loss for words to describe the kiss goodbye that you gave your brother. It was riveting drama, and so poignant. Yes, you are an artist, but I think this scene transcends art. Like many of your other viewers, I was unprepared and stunned by this singular moment.
    I don't have the imagination to even guess what direction you will go from here, but you have me hooked.
    The porn scenes that you shoot, while always entertaining, are almost comic relief from the weightier, thought provoking issues that you are portraying for us. And your running titles are insightful, too.

    Bravo, Ryan.

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  24. Very cool! I loved the use of Xiu Xiu's "Wig Master", it really drew me in as something special immediately. Xiu Xiu's one of my heroes, a real disturbed gay icon. I definitely want to see more of this. You might like the movie "Otto; or Up With Dead People" by Bruce LaBruce - it too deals with disturbed, queer existentialism with HIV, alienation, and other such thematic issues as a backdrop.

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  25. very nice and moving episode. Loved the "goodbey" kiss. I hope it's not the last you've seen of him because it's family and i guess he will need you someday. I was moved to tears but also a bit "horny" because i guess the scene your brother did is hot. I really hope to see that scene in one of the future Tim Releases. Keep up the good work Scully.

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  26. riveting film. has really stuck in my head. i first watched it last week and have come back a coupla more times.

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  27. tonygemello@yahoo.comNovember 20, 2009 at 9:05 PM

    Really well done. Thanks.

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  28. I'd be interested to know some of the history here. WHy was John kicked out? Because he was gay? If so, how did that impact Ryan? What relationship, if any, does Ryan have with his parents as a result of this? With his other siblings, if any? Why did John and Ryan not try to keep in touch with each other? Communication is a two way street.

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  29. So moving and powerful, I'm blown away. And that poignant last kiss. WOW!!!! Ryan, this was incredible. Thank you for sharing.

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  30. Sully, be aware and careful going down this dark path - it has many twists and turns that maybe hard to recover from.

    While you can embrace and try to understand the darkness, don't forget there is lightness as well that needs to be explored. Good luck on this journey.

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  31. "I'd be interested to know some of the history here. Why was John kicked out? Because he was gay? If so, how did that impact Ryan?"

    This is why it is wrong for anyone to make a judgment about John. We just don't have enough info.

    We don't even know whether Ryan considers himself straight, gay or bi. I assumed straight based on his original comment that his brother was gay not also gay and because he said John was kicked out of the house. I just assumed that it was because he was gay (and since Ryan was not kicked out that must mean that he was straight). But there are plenty of other possible reasons, including if John was already using drugs at that point. John does say that Ryan was "different", but again that could mean anything.

    Ryan clearly likes being a man of mystery who lets his work speak for itself. It would be nice if he used the blog to go beyond what's in the episodes, especially since he has another site with just the videos.

    Since he's doing film festivals, I would love to see him show his work at Frameline and hear him do a Q & A.

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  32. Beautiful, excellent, powerful, thank you

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  33. Like almost everyone else, I was quite enthralled with this episode. You have a rare talent, but you are sharing a familial pain many do not comprehend. I have a sister who's path in life seems to have been always to take the wrong turn. Drugs and alcohol have caused so much harm to her, but also to everyone around her. After allowing her almost to wreck my life, I realised that no matter the accidents of biology, there is no obligation to be part of her disease. I have put strict limits on the amount and manner of interactions we have. Unfortunately, she has an 11 year old daughter, who I fear has been affected by fetal alcohol syndrome and who is easily manipulated by her. She can be a sweet little girl but has outbursts that are unbelievable at times.

    Your brother is fooling himself and the person who attributed honesty to him has no understanding of how wrong he is. Your brother's claim of no shame is one of his biggest lies. If he felt no shame about who he is, he would not have been so secretive nor would he have taken so many steps to cut off contact from you and your family.

    I hope you will not allow this to undermine your own sense of self or consume you with guilt. Stay grounded if you can and know that your brother and you are separate and different people. Good luck and thanks for sharing your honest view.

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  34. Your video moved me. I was curious if you are gay yourself, it makes sound like you are straight. Also, what was it like kissing your brother so passoniatly. Lastly, does he still not know you were there?

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  35. I just stumbled across your blog this morning and so began with your most recent few posts - I guess I'm also not entirely sure what's real or marketing, but it's very moving - I'm not that many years older and from a spot in the Midwest not too far from you, so know it's kind of a jump to SF from a place like Nebraska, Sully - that said, I hope you're finding the sort of calm, support, and resources that are all around - guys get here and feel on their own... it's not all porn. You bring out my own big brother side and I wonder if someone's there dragging you to to picnics on Baker Beach, the zen center, etc. I hope you're doing okay.

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  36. When I first stumbled upon your Vlog I thought your approach to TIM and the porn industry was going to be a critical one. You mentioned PM being a very reclusive, mesmerizing person in charge of a cult. So I expected an expose of sorts. Instead it seems like you've drunk the kool-aid. You're now immersed in the industry and with the man you only wanted to document.

    Maybe this is what you wanted. You could very well like the porn industry and what it's about and you are ok with it. I watch it and I enjoy it. But, watching these clips progress over the past months it appears you've been indoctrinated - like Patty Hearst and Stockholm Syndrome. And that is gripping drama that plays out so well on your Vlog.

    And it's precisely that it's done so well that I think that maybe there could be another explanation for all of this. Don't get me wrong. Your work is beautiful but the basics of this story arc when boiled down and strung together are so contrived. It's the story of the gradual spiraling down of the naive heroic figure into darkness. What better plot twist than to have your estranged, troubled brother show up from all the way in the midwest to your San Francisco office. What are the odds?

    Could it be that P Morris really is the one behind the curtains orchestrating all this for marketing purposes? Are we going to see your film shown on GLBT Film circuit in a year or two? Or, is this really your life? It's great cinema but if this is really you, can you look back and say you even recognize the person you were when you started?

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  37. It probally took more of you to see this than you usually let on, but it was a vary brave step. You said more about your relationship with your brother than you meant to say. It's a beautiful thing to do what you do, and look at your brother and say I know you are something more than what you think you are.

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  38. This is going to sound SO douchy--but this episode has me now dead-set convinced that this whole "blog" was just to stir up controversy. This is all bullshit, scripted, and stupid.

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  39. That was heartbreaking.

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  40. Well I haven't seen the whole clip yet but with the way the comments are threading, sounds like it features your brother who is HIV+.

    I am a Licensed Pharm Tech and the LEAST you can do is give your brother and any other HIV+ people you know MONOLAURIN - it's the molecule from Coconut oil, yes it does treat / cure HIV and makes it dormant. DIRT CHEAP. Google it if my medical background does not convince you. Google HIV Monolaurin without quotes.

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  41. That was sad and beautiful. I really enjoyed it, Sully. I'm not going to make any judgements about your brother. He has his own negative spirits to work out. Maybe, one day, he will see you again. The kiss at the end was perfect, deeply meaningful, and could only come from family. Well done. Your brother can remain in your life. He should. You are right to try. Do what is in your soul.

    -- Glennie in North Carolina

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  42. His eyes deceived him. What you thought of him then mattered.

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  43. You've been attacked for the HIV issues in this doc, the bareback sex, the killings and the religious references. These to me were all just the usuall things that get people shouting (usually by those who don't understand the complexity of these issues).
    However, for me, this was the saddest, most emotional and biggest head-fuck of an episode you've yet done. That is not a criticism.

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  44. Ryan, I Read in another post of yours (I used to be scared) that you recently seroconverted; meaning that now you are HIV+ ?
    Did you decide to seroconvert in solidarity to your brother? Or you simply tried gay bareback sex, after seeing it so much. Oh btw, you are gay, aren't you?
    On another note: I believe that John was kicked out not because he was gay, but because your father abused him - and due to those bad memories, he didn't want to see you.
    Wish you all, all the best!

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